|>>|| No. 30764
Writing this more as an indicator of hope for anyone who might be struggling with this rather than seeking advice for myself.
If you're someone who, like me, has considered themselves a porn addict and has been trying to shake the habit of masturbating fruitlessly to porn, then don't give up, it is possible but you have to ADHERE to it. Dumping your video/image collection, not accessing sites or staying off instagram pages does help clean out your mind and reduce your dependence on the stuff.
During the first half of last year's lockdown, I completely deleted all my porn, and for 6+ months I felt so much better not having to go through the ritual of opening up a video and wanking to it, or worse, cycling multiple videos and not really wanking, just constantly looking for the dopamine hit. I've had instances of relapse (mostly from the mania of things re-opening and work being work), which have made me feel terrible, but in all I've done a lot better than I have been for the past 5 years or more.
To contextualise a little, I'm 30, male and bisexual, and was pretty much fully aware of porn as a late teen but at the stage was never truly aware that it really wiggles into your brain. From being quite socially outgoing in my 20s, I managed to become somewhat oversexed, shared porn and fetishes with various partners, always liked to stay fit too because I liked to feel confident and hot especially with other people. Time goes on though and with changes in social circles and attitudes, the casual sex slows down, particularly when you become more serious with people. Wanking on your own to porn doesn't really go away though, most men my age end up doing it easily.
From about 25 onwards, maybe 24, I was buying porn videos off places like clips4sale and other pay sites, purely because I wanted the videos immediately and really didn't want to wade through various dodgy websites for something I knew I could just have legitimately and stick on whenever. No harm done. A couple of things really affected me over the course of this; one of which is how performing in porn is just a job like any other, it's not real sex, it's fantasy, I get that and why that maintains such an appeal especially if you're looking for a 5 minute or 20 minute thrill, but what really occurred to me is how those performers are basically immortalised in those videos. They're on to the next job after that shoot has wrapped up, they age like anyone else. It hit me how certain pornstars and models I had wanked over had died, and I felt very uncomfortable continuing to use videos of them when they were alive. It's much different to seeing an actor in a film after they've passed away, you don't really sit there wanking to films.
Generally speaking as well, I've always managed to maintain my expectations when it comes to having actual sex with people, how much messier it is, even with all my porn consumption I don't think it totally warped my sense of reality with women or men. In a wider sense though, other men I've met seem to have completely had their minds changed by it, some young men seem to have an uncontrollable relationship with it, but never acknowledging it as such. My actual sexual interests always seemed to remain consistent, something I never understood was people who constantly had to delve into every type of porn (I want to stress by this I mean legal porn, I've never been tweaked to the point I feel the need to look at anything extreme), looking for a new thrill. I don't expect people to constantly be articulating what gets them off, but when people exhibit signs of no shame at all from porn exposure, it really sets off alarms to me.
Drug use in my 20s really didn't help much at all, MDMA and sex is one thing (which I'm convinced did serious damage to my ability to produce serotonin and hence contributed to this), wanking to porn on weed and LSD is another, and wanking on coke is just fucking misery. I kicked a lot of that a long time ago because weed wanking would especially just keep me ticking over on videos all night. If you have to kick a substance too to help you slow down your porn usage, do that as well, all for the better.
Porn to me is a lot like any other easily abused substance, it provides an incredibly short term thrill but can have extremely long term effects, but I find it isn't always seen as such. I've kicked alcohol, smoking and drugs, but porn I've always found has definitely been the one to linger the most, purely to my level of consumption as a younger adult.
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